What’s Worse Than Snakes On A Plane??

 Story time. Today I drove my mom to a dr’s apt in Tupelo. We were headed home and she noticed there was some wind noise around my sunroof. Rule number one in my car is do not mess with the sunroof because it has a tendency to get stuck in the open position. I accidentally hit the tilt button the other day and it opened a tiny bit and I couldn’t get it to close all the way, so I told my mom that was the reason for the wind noise. She said “Oh, I can fix that!” I was like “please no” but that girl don’t listen. So she started pushing buttons and the next thing I know the sunroof is open all the way. She said “Whoops, didn’t mean to do that” and I was like “WHAT DID I TELL YOU?!? But I didn’t even get that out of my mouth before something long and black fell through the sunroof directly onto my head and slithered down my arm. Now one thing about my mama—there’s nothing that scares her worse than snakes. I’ve worked very hard as an adult to overcome this fear but let me tell you I was not ready to deal with one suddenly landing on my head. To be fair, I love puppies and kitties but if one of those fell from the sky directly on top of me while I’m barreling down the highway that too would be cause for alarm. I’ve heard of people having racing thoughts before but I swear so many thoughts have never paraded through my brain all at the same time. I realized I need to keep control of the car, get the snake OUT of my car, and keep my mama IN the car because we just left the back dr but if sister gets her feet under her she’s bailing out of this car and headed off into the woods and we will never find her. It’s maybe been two seconds since the snake fell in the sunroof and as I’m reaching for mama to try to physically hold her in the car I notice she’s not even moving. She’s frozen stiff as a board and her eyes aren’t even open. It’s too much. She has been faced with a crisis of epic proportions and she’s just playing dead in the passenger seat. So I’m like wait a minute, YOU’RE MY MAMA wake up and save me!!!! It was also at this moment I realized someone was screaming loudly and that someone was me. You’ve heard the expression “screamed loud enough to wake the dead?” That’s exactly what I did because Mom reanimated and promptly joined me in screaming and flailing around. Also I’m swerving all over the place but thankfully no one was around us. In all this excitement the snake had not moved since it fell from above. We both took a good look at it where it had fallen across both our laps and we realized……it was a big piece of black rubber from the side of my sunroof. I have never been so relieved or laughed so hard. Here is the “snake” that nearly took out me and my mama: 

A Parable

This morning I rolled into church, settled into my seat, and crossed my left leg over my right while swinging my foot in my typical fidgety fashion. Almost immediately a very unpleasant smell reached my nose. I thought “ok, someone’s gassy,” and tried to focus but the smell just didn’t go away. In fact it didn’t diminish at all. It didn’t take long for me to decide someone had pooped themselves. In church.  Surreptitiously I cast my eyes around checking for someone who appeared to be in the throes of gastrointestinal distress. Everyone around me seemed fine. I was puzzled, but continued to sit there swinging my foot and trying to breathe through my mouth. 

A few minutes later my eyes happened to land on my left foot. Now I know I’ve had issues in the past with wearing boots that did not match. I am proud to tell you all that on today my boots matched. I am not proud to tell you that I had stepped in dog doo and the horrible smell I was smelling was ME.  I had walked the dogs one last time before heading to church and had quite literally stepped in it. And all the foot bouncing I was doing was just fanning the smell around.  I had to leave church in order to clean dog poop off my shoe. Who else but me would this happen to? But I think there’s a lesson to be learned in all this. 

The sermon today happened to be on parables, which  was ironic to me given that the Bible says things like “get the beam out of your own eye before you get the speck out of someone else’s” and there I was wearing dog poo shoes and wondering who it was around me that smelled so bad. Always, always check your own boots before judging anybody else. Furthermore, if you’re local and are interested in attending a church that is open and loving no matter what I highly recommend Church of the Crossroads because THEY LET ME GO THERE. Lastly, if you feel down or discouraged, I actually have friends and family that love me in spite of  (or maybe because of) my tendency to get myself into situations like this, so there’s hope for you too. Be extra kind this holiday season because you never know what other people may be stepping in.  And remember to always check your own boots first. 

Busted at Dave and Buster’s

It’s our spring break week, and we came to Nashville for a couple of  days. Korban had some appointments at Vanderbilt. (More about those later!) We made plans to do some fun things and so far we’ve had a great time and enjoyed very nice behavior from Korban. Are you sensing a but, because there’s definitely a but....

Tonight we decided to try Dave and Buster’s. We’d never been, but Korban loves arcade games and we could get food there. Brad has some friends that live nearby and they agreed to meet us. 

We all sat down to dinner together and it was great. The food was good, Korban was patient and let us eat before going to play games. He ate his food and didn’t complain or beg for more. Everything was going really smoothly. 

Here we are with our friends. They are so sweet and were so good with the kiddos. 

We went to the game room to play but Korban had noticed they had a bowling alley and he really wanted to bowl. He is obsessed with bowling. So we waited on a lane to come open and Korban was doing well but he was getting overly excited and anxious. He loves bowling so much it’s hard for him to stop when it’s time, and he tends to focus a lot on how much time he has left to bowl and it’s hard for him to be in the moment and just enjoy it. But he did okay and bowled really hard for an hour. He understood it was time to go and that we were going to go back to the game room for a little bit, and looking forward to that helped with the transition. 

Another couple was coming up to bowl on the lane adjoining ours as we were leaving. I said hello to them and bent to pick up our stuff. That’s when things went south. I heard like a shocked gasp and “Noooooo!” And I popped my head up to see Korban has snatched their drink up off the table and was guzzling it. Y’all, I will never forget the looks on their faces. I was yelling “Oh no, I’m so sorry!” And they were yelling “IT’S ALCOHOL!!!!” This is where it’s gets really funny because I am repeatedly apologizing and telling them I will buy them another drink and they are repeatedly telling me it was alcohol. I guess they were wondering why I wasn’t freaking out more about that fact and I’m just over here like “That’s totally not the worst thing he’s ever done, just please don’t be mad at us.” They ended up telling me not to worry about it, that they didn’t need another drink, and it was ok.

 I felt really bad. We’ve had a looooong discussion with Korban about how he is to ask one of us for a drink if he’s thirsty and not just snatch up something that doesn’t belong to him. Also, his breath smelled like a brewery which was disconcerting to say the least, and he said that drink tasted really yucky. Fortunately he doesn’t seem drunk and I don’t expect him to be hungover tomorrow. Maybe he’ll sleep good tonight?!? 

And in case anyone is wondering, we did do something to quench poor Korban’s thirst. Brad bellied him up to the bar and ordered him a glass of Nashville’s finest tap water, on the rocks. Although, Korban did ask him for a snow cone because of all the “flavor bottles” lined up behind the bar. 

*I also feel the need to add he’s a kid, but he’s a 120 lb kid and there’s no way one would sip (okay, even if it was a big sip) would actually inebriate him. I just feel bad he stole a stranger’s drink, and sure didn’t intend for my preteen to drink alcohol.*

I felt like a horrible mom, but it happened so fast and I wasn’t able to prevent it. You know what they say about looking around you and seeing someone worse off? As we were leaving I saw this in the parking lot and figured somebody’s kid had been drinking harder than ours, and then got behind the wheel. 

Today Is A New Day

Yesterday was a weird day for me. Y’all ever have one of those Twilight Zone days where it seems like everything that can go wrong will? That was me yesterday. 

It started off innocently enough. Our homeschool group had a Valentine’s party at the bowling alley and we were all looking forward to it. Korban LOVES bowling. Actually he loves it so much that sometimes leaving the bowling alley is a problem and provokes a meltdown. We had talked this over and he assured me he would leave when I said it was time to go so that he could go back another time. 

In typical Essary fashion, we were running late. I didn’t have cash to pay for their bowling but figured I’d use my card. Except when I got there I found out we were supposed to pay cash and it would be one lump sum payment from our homeschool group. I figured I’d let the kids bowl for a bit and then run down the street to the ATM at my bank, get cash and come back. It would be a good excuse to stop bowling and when we got back the kids could eat their snacks and then we could go. In theory it was a good plan, but I was already late and halfway through their game it came time to pay. So I told them we had to leave real quick but we could come back and they could finish their game. To their credit, they did leave quickly with me. So quickly in fact that as we were pulling out of the parking lot Selah said “Hey Mom? We still have our bowling shoes on.” *facepalm* So we had absconded from the bowling alley with two sets of bowling shoes but they knew we were coming back. I figured it would be ok.

 I fly down the street to the ATM and wouldn’t you know it, the ATM is being restocked or worked on or something. Seriously? I’d never even seen that happen before. But an orange cone was blocking the ATM line and a big white van was parked in front of it with a guy out working on it. 

Ok fine. The main branch of my bank has an ATM outside it too. It’s across town but I can drive over there and get cash. So I head that way. It seems to take forever but I finally pull up to the ATM, feeling every second tick away it seems like. And then I can’t find my bank card. Of course I panic. I was tearing my wallet apart and trying to retrace my steps of when I’d used it last. I text Brad and told him and he’s said he’d call the bank if it didn’t turn up. 

I pull away from the bank so frustrated because I STILL don’t have the money to pay for the game my kids haven’t even gotten to finish AND now I can’t find my bank card. My in laws live nearby so I called to seen if  my mother in law had any cash at home. She didn’t, but kindly offered to go to her bank and get some. I declined and searched out a checkbook and figured I would write a check. 

I headed back to the bowling alley, taking a shortcut to get us there faster. Wouldn’t you know it—TRAIN! My frustration was mounting, I was snapping at the kids and I felt like an absolute failure as a mother in those moments. I was trying but I was like a dog chasing it’s tail. I couldn’t catch it and even if I did I wouldn’t know what to do with it. Ha! 

I finally got us back to the bowling alley and took my check in and found that another parent had coverered the cost for us. I felt bad but she was so sweet about it and I told her what had happened and that I would get cash and repay her at our co-op classes later that day. 

While we were gone doing all that crazy mess, they turned our lane off and everyone was getting ready to go. I told my kids I was sorry, that I’d just made a lot of mistakes that day and we’d do a do over day soon. They took it surprisingly well, even Korban. We left and I lamented to Brad through text that I had just been an unorganized mess all morning and it was no one’s fault but mine. I told him I felt bad for the kids and said “None of the other moms there were struggling like that.” What he said back really stuck with me. He said “How do you know?” I didn’t. I assumed everyone could see what a crazy mess I was, and they all seemed fine to me, but I couldn’t see out of my mess long enough to really check and see how everyone else was doing. Sometimes I miss others pain and struggles because they’re either very good at hiding it or I’m very good at not seeing it. You know what I’m saying? 

Our day began looking up shortly thereafter. I found my debit card in the floor of the van. Apparently I got it out to use at the first ATM I went to and dropped it in all the confusion of the ATM not being usable. I went back to that ATM and it was open for business. I got cash to repay the sweet mama that helped me and we went to Dirt Cheap to get Valentine’s cards for my kids to pass out in their classes. Sometimes it pays to be a last minute mama—I got 3 boxes of really cool Valentine’s for .16. 

My kids wrote their names on their cards when we got home and I think this is the first year that Korban actually did his own. It tickled me too because he got tired of writing after awhile and instead of writing his name twice on the two cards that were together he just wrote “KORBAN” in block letters across the two cards so that when I tore them at the perforation someone got a Valentine that said “From: Kor” and someone else got one that said “From: ban.” I left it because I thought it was an accurate representation of our life and it made me laugh. If you got a Valentine with Korban’s whole name on it, consider yourself lucky. 

Our classes went well, and afterwards we got to visit with some of our favorite friends, and I chatted with some of  my other friends via text and felt better. This morning when Korban got up he said “I’m sorry you were ill at me yesterday.” That’s one of his things, he pointedly apologizes to you for stuff you did to remind you that you messed up and should apologize to him. Ha! Of course I had already apologized several times but he doesn’t forget easily. I felt bad for a minute but didn’t want to wallow in it so I just told him “Today is a new day.” He promptly responded “And yesterday was an old day.” I laughed so hard. Wise words from my little man. 

I hear a lot about how we only share our highlight reel on Facebook. And that’s pretty true for me I guess. I very pointedly try to keep my Facebook very lighthearted and happy. It’s mostly kids, dogs, and food matter of fact. So unless those things offend you, we’re good. I use the blog for deeper stuff, and you actually have to click on it to see my junk. ;) Here’s what I shared on Facebook yesterday: 

Selah, posing with the cupcakes she decorated for our party. 

And Korban bowling without bumpers and killing it. 

So those were definitely the highlights, but in the spirit of transparency,  here’s the rest of the story to go with it. If you find this relatable I will be glad to commiserate with you on the hard days and remind you that “yesterday is an old day.” If you do have everything together feel free to laugh at my circus act because I probably won’t even notice and at least some of the time we are laughing too. :) 

The Story of the Sleepy Santa

So yesterday we had Christmas Eve dinner and exchanged gifts with my mom. It was wonderful. Of course the kids were completely tanked up because hello, it’s Christmas! Korban went to bed peacefully with the assistance of Jet and melatonin but Selah was wide eyed and very excited. Brad and I thought we’d lay down with her in our bed and talk for a minute, let her go to sleep there, and then we’d get up and put out their gifts from Santa. One problem though—we passed out too and didn’t wake up until Brad’s internal alarm clock woke him up at 7:00 a.m. So yeah, no Santa at our house. Fortunately, the kids were still asleep so we jumped up in a panic and started slinging gifts under the tree. We had most of Selah’s gifts out but none of Korban’s when we heard a noise behind us. We turned around and there stands Korban in the doorway. We just froze and stood there with our mouths hanging open while Korban surveyed the dolls and accessories. He said “Hey, uh, is there going to be any boy gifts?” Poor dude was legitimately concerned. I said something profound like “GobacktobedgobacktobedGOBACKTOBED!” Brad took him back to bed, and persuaded him to wait until Selah woke up. Lo and behold, there were boy gifts. If you remembered to actually put gifts out for your kids, you’re doing better than me and Brad this Christmas. Luckily all’s well that ends well and even though we know gifts aren’t the most important thing, they did get their gifts, even the boy ones. We took some time before they were unleashed on the gifts to reflect on the true meaning of Christmas. Brad read the Christmas story and Selah assisted by acting it out. Korban prayed and we sang happy birthday to Jesus. It was a great morning even if it did get off to a wild start. 

Merry Christmas from our (crazy) household to yours! 

Four Score and Nearly Ten Years Later

Brad and I were fortunate enough to be able to attend a TEAAM (Together Enhancing Autism Awareness in Mississippi) Autism Conference in Hattiesburg today. The last time we were able to come to TEAAM event we came to a family retreat shortly after Korban was diagnosed. I was pregnant with Selah at the time, and she turns 9 in a few weeks, so it’s been a little minute. 

That was the first major autism event we went to after his diagnosis and I remember what an impact it had on me. Reflecting on that has had me in my feelings a bit today. I remember being so relieved that other people were facing the same things we were, but at the same time my heart hurt that they were having struggles too. 

I had so many questions and so, so many fears. Mostly fear of the unknown. What would the future look like? Would Korban talk? How would he handle having a sister? Would he love her? Would she accept him? Would his meltdowns ever cease? On and on and on....so many questions, so little answers. I was honestly terrified. 

Roughly a decade later we have mostly settled into “our normal.” Most of those questions have been answered. He does talk, a lot. He screamed for about the first two weeks of Selah’s life but after that he decided we would keep her and now I think he’s decided it was his idea to get a sister in the first place. They love each other a great deal and have a very special relationship, even though they drive each other crazy sometimes. Selah is nurturing and accepting and is the perfect little person for our family. Eh, meltdowns we are still working on, but in the past year he’s been much less aggressive and I am so very thankful for that. 

I still have questions. Will he read? Will he be able to live independently? Does he know how much we love him and rest in that? Am I messing this whole parenting thing up? Will the aggression come back? Will he be able to make friends? Will these meltdowns EVER CEASE? But I can honestly say I’m not terrified like I was when we first started this journey. Maybe I’ve mellowed with time. Maybe Korban’s knocked off some of my rough edges. And maybe I’ve just seen that the future I was worried about back then looks like this: 

I promise you not all of my life looks like this. They don’t always get along and Korban still deals with many challenges and behavioral issues. But the good outweighs the bad by so much, and so many of the things I wasted my precious time worrying about never came to pass. How could I afford to be anything less than grateful? 

Don’t Be Afraid

As a mom to a child with autism, I feel like one of the hardest and yet most important things is getting our family out to do stuff together. I’ve said before that sometimes it goes great and sometimes it doesn’t go so great but we dust ourselves off and keep trying. I honestly get frustrated with myself because I have so much anxiety about just regular outings. It involves so much planning and I’m honestly scared of what Korban will do when we get wherever it is we are going and what people’s reaction will be to him. We’ve had way more good experiences than bad ones but the fear never leaves me. 

Yesterday afternoon Brad’s parents returned from their vacation and called to ask if they could stop by our house on the way back home. Of course we said yes and were so glad to see them. While we were visiting with them Korban started to holler that he was hungry. (That’s a regular occurrence. Lol) So we decided we would go out to eat. 

The restaurant we picked was Country Squire in Iuka. None of us had been there in a long time, but that was my parents’ favorite restaurant when I was a kid and we ate there lots. Isn’t it funny the things you remember from when you were a kid? I remember we always sat in a booth in the back. The walls are finished with small rocks and there was this one smooth stone I liked to rub. They had apple rings on the salad bar and my parents used to get them for me. I can still remember the way the color bled out onto the napkin and dyed  it pink. I don’t remember this story, but my dad used to love to tell it. When I was little enough to still sit in a high chair I got those little paper cups like condiments come in and started spinning them on my thumbs. One flew off and landed on the table of the people eating next to us. Ah, I was a weird kid. If you know me as an adult, that’s not much of a surprise. 

Anyway, the point is I have a lot of fond memories of this place and I was really excited to be going. At least I was until we started driving there. Korban is still so jealous of me talking or interacting with people and was mad that I had been talking to his grandparents, even though we hadn’t seen them in a week and everybody had tried to make him feel included. He started asking if I was going to talk to them while we ate, and threatening to scream. His scream is so loud and awful and I knew he wouldn’t leave peaceably if things started going badly and would cause a scene. I started panicking inwardly. I had Brad call and ask if there was a wait time to be seated and started trying to prep the kids on how to act. I was just thinking “Get in there, eat, and get out.” We had the iPad with us of course, and Selah had her frog purse packed with coloring stuff, cool pens, Star Wars stickers, notebooks, etc. We were prepared. I just never know if it’s going to be enough. 

We got there and walked in right behind another family. We had to wait a minute while they cleared tables and pushed them together for us. There were some seats up front so I sat the kids in them while we waited and kept reminding Korban not to talk loud and trying to keep him happy. They had the table ready for us in a minute and we went and sat down. I don’t know whether the Holy Spirit moved in Korban or his meds kicked in or both, but his mood shifted and dude was a joy to eat dinner with. 

He talked loud, but that’s just him. He wasn’t angry or upset. And he had some really decent one-liners during our meal. Some examples: 

(Hollering down the table): “Hey Mammaw, do you wear lipstick?” 

Charlotte: “No, I don’t.” 

Korban: “ME EITHER!” 

My personal favorite—“I like tartar sauce. It’s like sauce but with tartar in it.” 

And this one, as he shoveled food in—“My hand hurts. I think I’m getting arthritis.” 

Sometimes he says the blessing before we eat and it generally goes like this “THANKYOUGODFORTHISFOOD. BLESSITTONOURISHOURBODIESANDOURBODIESTOYOURSERVICEAMEN.” All in one breath, because he is ready to eat. But apparently he decided last night was a special occasion and he announced unprompted that he was about to pray and then dramatically folded his hands and proceeded to tell each of us to close our eyes. Then he prayed like a preacher at a tent revival. He blessed the food and everyone in our family. He asked God to put a hedge of protection around us and to let no weapon formed against us prosper. He was on a roll and it was great. Very sweet. So things were going well. 

When I went to the salad bar I had an unexpected encounter. A man came out from the back and said “Excuse me, was that your son that was sitting out front earlier?” Even though things had been going great I thought, my heart kind of jumped into my throat. I was sort of braced to hear “What’s wrong with him?” or to have to apologize for Korban talking loud. It wasn’t any of those things. The man kindly asked “Can he have sweets?” I smiled and said yes, that he loves sweets. He asked what he liked and what my daughter liked and if it would be okay for him to send them something when they got finished eating. I said of course and thanked him profusely. 

So when we finished eating our waitress brought out a platter filled with brownies, ice cream, chocolate syrup, and whipped cream. I thought Korban was going to vibrate right out of his seat he was so happy and Selah was tickled pink too. 

Look at those faces! Korban’s eyes are cracking me up. 

Look how full his cheeks are! He’s like a squirrel. 

Nomnomnom

Selah’s curls were kicking and so was her daddy’s beard. 

He’s got that fork ready, y’all. 

So it was the owner who sent the kids the dessert and it really, really meant a lot to me that he did it. I was feeling pretty apprehensive before we sat down to eat last night, but it ended up being the highlight of our week. I said all this to say to other families that are in our shoes, especially with kids younger than Korban, do like Dory and just keep swimming. I know it’s hard. Some things have gotten so much easier as Korban has gotten older and some new challenges have popped up. I still get scared and want to hide under a rock at least once a day. But if I had done that last night I would’ve missed this. There are a lot of good people left in the world, and I want to be one of them. Please be enouraged, and remember to be kind to others. You don’t even have to give brownies and ice cream but my goodness what an impact it made on my family last night. A very sweet treat indeed....