Like A Boss

Korban is at an odd stage right now. Technically, physically, he is 12. He is a preteen. Mentally and emotionally, he is much, much younger in many ways. The best way I can think of to describe it is imagine raising a toddler who is roughly the same size as you. Korban is more advanced than a toddler in many ways, but he’s definitely still so impulsive, unreasonable,  and emotional and it’s not like I can just pick him up and tote him out of a store if things go south. He is making progress in so many areas but sometimes it just feels like one step forward and two back. 

This past Sunday he came to me while I was cooking breakfast and asked me to pull a wiggly tooth. He isn’t dramatic about pulling teeth thankfully, but he generally wants them GONE when he can feel them moving. I was elbow deep in biscuit dough and told him I couldn’t pull it right then and he accepted that and walked off. A few minutes later he returned, tooth in hand, and proudly told me he pulled that tooth “like a BOSS!” He sure did and we were all really proud of him and made a big deal out of it. I’m so glad he is starting to be more independent and can do things for himself. And then there was yesterday....

Yesterday afternoon Selah was sitting at the kitchen table working on her math, I had already started getting things ready for dinner, and Korban was in his room sitting on his crash pad, flipping through a picture book. At least that’s what he was doing the last time I checked on him. I was turned around to the sink washing a dish when I hear Korban’s voice behind me and he said “Hey Mom! I cut my...” Based on his history my mom brain is filling in blanks like “cut my hand, cut my arm, cut my ENTIRE LEG OFF!” So I spun around in a panic. Hair, y’all. He cut his hair. So on the one hand I’m relieved (very relieved) that there’s no blood and no injuries. On the other hand, my 12 year old now looks like Jim Carrey did in Dumb and Dumber. I did some deep breathing and told him to show me the scissors he used. He took me to his room and showed me a pile of hair on the floor. Hair that used to be on his head. He was so proud of himself and thought the whole thing was hilarious. No regrets whatsoever. I decided I need to step back for a minute and connect with Jesus so I left him in his room and walked back to the kitchen.

 Selah was making deviled eggs for her daddy. She is very good at that. She had broken one of the boiled eggs as she was peeling it though, so she was feeding it to her new puppy. Her new, not quite housetrained puppy. So I explained that probably wasn’t the best idea and as I’m going over that Jim Carrey Jr. pops back up in my kitchen and says “Look Mom, I cut it more!” I didn’t really think he could make it look worse, but trust me, he did. How did I not think to confiscate the scissors when I left his room? More deep breathing. My boy looks like this:

And again, he is still SO PROUD. He said “I cut my hair like a BOSS!” I’m thinking “Dude, have you seen your noggin? This is the opposite of a boss!”

 I didn’t say that out loud but at some point in all this he realized I wasn’t quite as thrilled as he was and he scooped a handful of his hair off the floor and said “Will you help me glue it back on?” I got so tickled at that and couldn’t stop laughing. But seriously, when he does things he doesn’t understand that they can’t easily be undone. 

We’ve had a long talk about how we don’t cut our own hair and how we go to the barber shop for that. Selah, who graciously offered to “even it up” herself, told him “Korban, you need a PROFESSIONAL!” 

Sister ain’t lying. He needs a professional. We are going to get his head buzzed this morning. Once he gets something on his mind he can’t let it go. He was still getting ahold of scissors and trying to cut his hair more last night. I had no idea we owned so many pairs of scissors. We apparently also need to own a safe to store them in. He also decided last night that since I wasn’t happy about the whole hair cutting business, he’d just fill in the bald spot himself. With a magic marker. I kid you not. 

I gotta at least give him credit for creative thinking on that one. And as one of my friends pointed out, he used two colors! Orange and green, maybe he’s getting ready for Halloween. Selah said he looked like a rock star and I thought about letting him rock this look until November. If y’all see me out and about with my kids looking any sort of way just pat me on the shoulder and pass me a coffee, please.