A Parable

This morning I rolled into church, settled into my seat, and crossed my left leg over my right while swinging my foot in my typical fidgety fashion. Almost immediately a very unpleasant smell reached my nose. I thought “ok, someone’s gassy,” and tried to focus but the smell just didn’t go away. In fact it didn’t diminish at all. It didn’t take long for me to decide someone had pooped themselves. In church.  Surreptitiously I cast my eyes around checking for someone who appeared to be in the throes of gastrointestinal distress. Everyone around me seemed fine. I was puzzled, but continued to sit there swinging my foot and trying to breathe through my mouth. 

A few minutes later my eyes happened to land on my left foot. Now I know I’ve had issues in the past with wearing boots that did not match. I am proud to tell you all that on today my boots matched. I am not proud to tell you that I had stepped in dog doo and the horrible smell I was smelling was ME.  I had walked the dogs one last time before heading to church and had quite literally stepped in it. And all the foot bouncing I was doing was just fanning the smell around.  I had to leave church in order to clean dog poop off my shoe. Who else but me would this happen to? But I think there’s a lesson to be learned in all this. 

The sermon today happened to be on parables, which  was ironic to me given that the Bible says things like “get the beam out of your own eye before you get the speck out of someone else’s” and there I was wearing dog poo shoes and wondering who it was around me that smelled so bad. Always, always check your own boots before judging anybody else. Furthermore, if you’re local and are interested in attending a church that is open and loving no matter what I highly recommend Church of the Crossroads because THEY LET ME GO THERE. Lastly, if you feel down or discouraged, I actually have friends and family that love me in spite of  (or maybe because of) my tendency to get myself into situations like this, so there’s hope for you too. Be extra kind this holiday season because you never know what other people may be stepping in.  And remember to always check your own boots first. 

Busted at Dave and Buster’s

It’s our spring break week, and we came to Nashville for a couple of  days. Korban had some appointments at Vanderbilt. (More about those later!) We made plans to do some fun things and so far we’ve had a great time and enjoyed very nice behavior from Korban. Are you sensing a but, because there’s definitely a but....

Tonight we decided to try Dave and Buster’s. We’d never been, but Korban loves arcade games and we could get food there. Brad has some friends that live nearby and they agreed to meet us. 

We all sat down to dinner together and it was great. The food was good, Korban was patient and let us eat before going to play games. He ate his food and didn’t complain or beg for more. Everything was going really smoothly. 

Here we are with our friends. They are so sweet and were so good with the kiddos. 

We went to the game room to play but Korban had noticed they had a bowling alley and he really wanted to bowl. He is obsessed with bowling. So we waited on a lane to come open and Korban was doing well but he was getting overly excited and anxious. He loves bowling so much it’s hard for him to stop when it’s time, and he tends to focus a lot on how much time he has left to bowl and it’s hard for him to be in the moment and just enjoy it. But he did okay and bowled really hard for an hour. He understood it was time to go and that we were going to go back to the game room for a little bit, and looking forward to that helped with the transition. 

Another couple was coming up to bowl on the lane adjoining ours as we were leaving. I said hello to them and bent to pick up our stuff. That’s when things went south. I heard like a shocked gasp and “Noooooo!” And I popped my head up to see Korban has snatched their drink up off the table and was guzzling it. Y’all, I will never forget the looks on their faces. I was yelling “Oh no, I’m so sorry!” And they were yelling “IT’S ALCOHOL!!!!” This is where it’s gets really funny because I am repeatedly apologizing and telling them I will buy them another drink and they are repeatedly telling me it was alcohol. I guess they were wondering why I wasn’t freaking out more about that fact and I’m just over here like “That’s totally not the worst thing he’s ever done, just please don’t be mad at us.” They ended up telling me not to worry about it, that they didn’t need another drink, and it was ok.

 I felt really bad. We’ve had a looooong discussion with Korban about how he is to ask one of us for a drink if he’s thirsty and not just snatch up something that doesn’t belong to him. Also, his breath smelled like a brewery which was disconcerting to say the least, and he said that drink tasted really yucky. Fortunately he doesn’t seem drunk and I don’t expect him to be hungover tomorrow. Maybe he’ll sleep good tonight?!? 

And in case anyone is wondering, we did do something to quench poor Korban’s thirst. Brad bellied him up to the bar and ordered him a glass of Nashville’s finest tap water, on the rocks. Although, Korban did ask him for a snow cone because of all the “flavor bottles” lined up behind the bar. 

*I also feel the need to add he’s a kid, but he’s a 120 lb kid and there’s no way one would sip (okay, even if it was a big sip) would actually inebriate him. I just feel bad he stole a stranger’s drink, and sure didn’t intend for my preteen to drink alcohol.*

I felt like a horrible mom, but it happened so fast and I wasn’t able to prevent it. You know what they say about looking around you and seeing someone worse off? As we were leaving I saw this in the parking lot and figured somebody’s kid had been drinking harder than ours, and then got behind the wheel. 

Today Is A New Day

Yesterday was a weird day for me. Y’all ever have one of those Twilight Zone days where it seems like everything that can go wrong will? That was me yesterday. 

It started off innocently enough. Our homeschool group had a Valentine’s party at the bowling alley and we were all looking forward to it. Korban LOVES bowling. Actually he loves it so much that sometimes leaving the bowling alley is a problem and provokes a meltdown. We had talked this over and he assured me he would leave when I said it was time to go so that he could go back another time. 

In typical Essary fashion, we were running late. I didn’t have cash to pay for their bowling but figured I’d use my card. Except when I got there I found out we were supposed to pay cash and it would be one lump sum payment from our homeschool group. I figured I’d let the kids bowl for a bit and then run down the street to the ATM at my bank, get cash and come back. It would be a good excuse to stop bowling and when we got back the kids could eat their snacks and then we could go. In theory it was a good plan, but I was already late and halfway through their game it came time to pay. So I told them we had to leave real quick but we could come back and they could finish their game. To their credit, they did leave quickly with me. So quickly in fact that as we were pulling out of the parking lot Selah said “Hey Mom? We still have our bowling shoes on.” *facepalm* So we had absconded from the bowling alley with two sets of bowling shoes but they knew we were coming back. I figured it would be ok.

 I fly down the street to the ATM and wouldn’t you know it, the ATM is being restocked or worked on or something. Seriously? I’d never even seen that happen before. But an orange cone was blocking the ATM line and a big white van was parked in front of it with a guy out working on it. 

Ok fine. The main branch of my bank has an ATM outside it too. It’s across town but I can drive over there and get cash. So I head that way. It seems to take forever but I finally pull up to the ATM, feeling every second tick away it seems like. And then I can’t find my bank card. Of course I panic. I was tearing my wallet apart and trying to retrace my steps of when I’d used it last. I text Brad and told him and he’s said he’d call the bank if it didn’t turn up. 

I pull away from the bank so frustrated because I STILL don’t have the money to pay for the game my kids haven’t even gotten to finish AND now I can’t find my bank card. My in laws live nearby so I called to seen if  my mother in law had any cash at home. She didn’t, but kindly offered to go to her bank and get some. I declined and searched out a checkbook and figured I would write a check. 

I headed back to the bowling alley, taking a shortcut to get us there faster. Wouldn’t you know it—TRAIN! My frustration was mounting, I was snapping at the kids and I felt like an absolute failure as a mother in those moments. I was trying but I was like a dog chasing it’s tail. I couldn’t catch it and even if I did I wouldn’t know what to do with it. Ha! 

I finally got us back to the bowling alley and took my check in and found that another parent had coverered the cost for us. I felt bad but she was so sweet about it and I told her what had happened and that I would get cash and repay her at our co-op classes later that day. 

While we were gone doing all that crazy mess, they turned our lane off and everyone was getting ready to go. I told my kids I was sorry, that I’d just made a lot of mistakes that day and we’d do a do over day soon. They took it surprisingly well, even Korban. We left and I lamented to Brad through text that I had just been an unorganized mess all morning and it was no one’s fault but mine. I told him I felt bad for the kids and said “None of the other moms there were struggling like that.” What he said back really stuck with me. He said “How do you know?” I didn’t. I assumed everyone could see what a crazy mess I was, and they all seemed fine to me, but I couldn’t see out of my mess long enough to really check and see how everyone else was doing. Sometimes I miss others pain and struggles because they’re either very good at hiding it or I’m very good at not seeing it. You know what I’m saying? 

Our day began looking up shortly thereafter. I found my debit card in the floor of the van. Apparently I got it out to use at the first ATM I went to and dropped it in all the confusion of the ATM not being usable. I went back to that ATM and it was open for business. I got cash to repay the sweet mama that helped me and we went to Dirt Cheap to get Valentine’s cards for my kids to pass out in their classes. Sometimes it pays to be a last minute mama—I got 3 boxes of really cool Valentine’s for .16. 

My kids wrote their names on their cards when we got home and I think this is the first year that Korban actually did his own. It tickled me too because he got tired of writing after awhile and instead of writing his name twice on the two cards that were together he just wrote “KORBAN” in block letters across the two cards so that when I tore them at the perforation someone got a Valentine that said “From: Kor” and someone else got one that said “From: ban.” I left it because I thought it was an accurate representation of our life and it made me laugh. If you got a Valentine with Korban’s whole name on it, consider yourself lucky. 

Our classes went well, and afterwards we got to visit with some of our favorite friends, and I chatted with some of  my other friends via text and felt better. This morning when Korban got up he said “I’m sorry you were ill at me yesterday.” That’s one of his things, he pointedly apologizes to you for stuff you did to remind you that you messed up and should apologize to him. Ha! Of course I had already apologized several times but he doesn’t forget easily. I felt bad for a minute but didn’t want to wallow in it so I just told him “Today is a new day.” He promptly responded “And yesterday was an old day.” I laughed so hard. Wise words from my little man. 

I hear a lot about how we only share our highlight reel on Facebook. And that’s pretty true for me I guess. I very pointedly try to keep my Facebook very lighthearted and happy. It’s mostly kids, dogs, and food matter of fact. So unless those things offend you, we’re good. I use the blog for deeper stuff, and you actually have to click on it to see my junk. ;) Here’s what I shared on Facebook yesterday: 

Selah, posing with the cupcakes she decorated for our party. 

And Korban bowling without bumpers and killing it. 

So those were definitely the highlights, but in the spirit of transparency,  here’s the rest of the story to go with it. If you find this relatable I will be glad to commiserate with you on the hard days and remind you that “yesterday is an old day.” If you do have everything together feel free to laugh at my circus act because I probably won’t even notice and at least some of the time we are laughing too. :)