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Wednesday, August 20, 2014

One Of THOSE Days

Today was...interesting. We are leaving tomorrow to head to Birmingham for Korban's infusion on Friday and I had lots I needed to get done around the house today. The problem was that I actually thought I could get this done with my kids here. 

I haven't exactly mastered the art of Getting Stuff Done with my kids around. I know other moms are good at it, but I struggle. Since my kids are with me the vast majority of the time, my track record for getting stuff done isn't great. 

Today I started off cleaning in Korban's room. Trying to clean a room while kids are actively playing in it is about like trying to bail water out of a ship using a thimble. But they follow me everywhere I go, and you have to start somewhere so I cleaned while they played. 

I actually felt like I had made a little bit of progress, and then I remembered an email I needed to write so I decided to take a break. The kids were playing nicely together so I left them to it and went and sat down in the living room. 

I had just finished the email when Selah came running into the living room yelling that Korban had taken off his clothes and peed on his bed. (If you've read many of my earlier posts you may remember that he goes through these wild spells in which he thinks bathroom functions are hilarious--especially if they are done anywhere other than the bathroom.)

Sure enough, I found a naked Korban and a puddle on the bed. So I marched him to the bathroom, scolded him, and explained again why we don't pee on the furniture. I dressed him again and went back to his room to strip the bed. A few minutes later I heard him laughing hysterically--he had turned the shower on full blast and climbed in fully clothed. 

So I had to stop what I was doing and start cleaning up that mess. While I was getting him dressed in outfit number 3, he said he needed to poop. So I left him to his potty business and went back to stripping the bed and starting the laundry. Big mistake. After he finished, he got up and wiped his little booty on everything but toilet paper. (Walls, door, etc.) Which gave me my worst mess yet to clean up. Ugh! 

When I finally got all of that taken care of--believe me, it took awhile--I stopped to catch my breath and realized I was missing my phone. We don't have a home phone, we just use cell phones. And while I rarely actually talk on mine, it's pretty much my only outlet to "the outside world."  Actually, the only thing I miss about not having a home phone is being able to use it to call my cell phone when I can't find it. Incidentallly, this wouldn't have done me any good today because my ringer was turned off. 

I knew I had my phone in my hand right before Selah ran in saying that Korban had peed on the bed, but it was anybody's guess where I tossed it during that mad rush. I tried retracing my steps to no avail. I looked and looked and looked. 

This kind of thing really frustrates me. I feel like I've spent too much of my life looking for something that I should be able to find. And I can't even blame it on "mommy brain" because I've pretty much always been this way. (Although I'm sure it has gotten worse.)

I remember when I was in college at Northeast, my roommate was my BFF Kelli. Kelli had her stuff together. I did NOT. So she kinda had to be my roommate, my best friend, and my keeper. I was always losing my keys. Every morning, poor sweet Kelli would have to wake me up so I could make it to class on time and most mornings she had to help me find my keys as well. One morning the roles reversed--I actually had my keys and she couldn't find hers. I enjoyed this a little too much, because it was just so unlike her. So I teased her the whole time we searched until she finally found MY keys and discovered that I'd been holding HERS the whole time. In my defense, we had the exact same keychain--a NEMCC ID badge holder. I'm sure it could've happened to anyone. Although of course, the ID holder had her ID in it, and most people would've probably noticed that it wasn't their ID or that the keys were different. But not me, cause I'm goofy like that. 

Anyway, the point is, I've always been pretty absentminded. And I was fresh out of keepers today. I did bribe the kids to help me look, but they couldn't find my phone either. 

So I wasted all this time looking and was so irritated with myself, but the good news is I did manage to find several other items that I had been looking for:

1) Korban's black tennis shoe. We've only had one for the past month, and I found it's mate today between his train table and the wall in his room. 

2) My cardstock and laminating pouches. I had been wanting to print out some more things for the kids, and couldn't because I didn't have those items. Found them in a Rubbermaid storage container. *Note to self:  if it is an item you are going to be using frequently, DO NOT pack it away in a storage container and forget where you put it. Sheesh self, get a grip!*

3) Patrick. No, I hadn't lost an actual person named Patrick. I'm talking about Spongebob's friend. I actually can't stand Spongebob and we don't let the kids watch that show, but a few weeks ago my mom got them kid's packs at Sonic and Korban got a Spongebob toy in his. He didn't really care for the toy, but it came with little cardboard cutouts and he became really obsessed with the Patrick cutout. He was flying him in a paper airplane and lost him.  My mom and I were so moved by his piteous cries of "I loosed him!" that we spent quite a bit of time looking for Patrick, whom I don't even like. But he didn't turn up until today when I was on my hands and knees peering underneath the dresser in the guest bedroom. There sat Patrick, riding a dust bunny. I snatched him up trimumphantly and shouted "Korban!  I found Patrick!" Last week Korban cried over Patrick for half an hour. This week he gave zero cares about him. 

3). Three blocks of generic Velvetta. I know what you're thinking, how could anybody lose three blocks of Velvetta and then find them in the course of looking for a lost cell phone?  Well, here's how it happened. I guess in telling this story I am admitting that I compulsively hoard processed cheese product. Now the world knows. I know it is nutritionally worthless and bad for you, but I have always loved it. The thing I don't get is why is it so expensive?  It's pretty much just lard and orange food coloring isn't it?  Oh, and melty deliciousness. I guess the melty deliciousness is what makes it kinda pricey. 

I love the grocery store Aldi's and they have their own brand of Velvetta-type cheese that's just as good and much less expensive. I don't get to go to Aldi's very often so I try to stock up on stuff when I do. Last weekend Brad was trying to cook us omelets for breakfast and was complaining that we didn't have Velvetta and I was telling him that I KNEW I had bought some at Aldi's. So today I was rooting around in the pantry in a desperate search for my phone. I know that sounds crazy, but I wasn't in the best of mindsets when I misplaced it. I checked the freezer and the washer and dryer too. Anyhow, I moved a big box of crackers in the back of the pantry and BAM! found three golden bricks of fake cheese stacked end to end. 

So there were some positives to my day, even though I mostly felt like Satan himself was following me around trying to trip me up. By then it was lunch time and I still hadn't found my phone. I fixed the kids something to eat and was carrying it to them. Korban grabbed my arm suddenly, causing Selah's plate to tip precariously. Miraculously, all her food stayed put. However, her fork went sailing over the side of the plate and landed--tine side down, mind you--on my big toe. And I was wearing flip flops. Let me just tell you, I birthed two children with less pain than that. I literally saw stars but I didn't want to freak the kids out so I was trying to not, you know, scream in agony or anything.  I tried to stifle it and strange sounds were coming from my mouth. Selah said "Mom, why are you looking so crazy?" (Seriously, she said that.) I tried to answer her reassuringly but was only able to grunt out something that sounded like "Grum...grrr." She shrugged and ate her watermelon. 

I have an honest to goodness puncture wound in my toe. It looks like I was bitten by a very tiny vampire. I mean really, who else in the world could stab herself in the toe with a fork?!?

But I survived, and the afternoon wore on with no sign of my phone. I was really starting to worry that I wouldn't find it before we had to leave tomorrow, but I was trying to move along and get ready for our trip. 

Laundry is an ongoing thing of course, and Korban loves to watch the washer. It has a clear lid and he can see the clothes spin. So both kids were watching the washer and I went to the bedroom to put away a stack of clean clothes. I had barely walked away before I heard a huge crash from the laundry room. I went running back in there to survey the damage. Thankfully no one was hurt, but the large wooden bar above my washer and dryer that holds clothes hangers was in the floor, as well as a mess of clothes hangers and two guilty looking children. Can you believe they both tried to swing from the bar?!?  Thankfully they didn't get hurt and the bar wasn't even broken. I was able to pop it back up with very little fuss. But my patience had grown quite thin. I told the kids that they were going to have to "GET SOMEWHERE AND SIT DOWN." So I settled them down with a Veggie Tales DVD and contemplated the fact that I get even more Southern as I get angry. I heard myself refer to my kids as "all y'all" even though I only have like two of them. Weird. 

I continued to try and clean. I bagged up some stuff to give away, including some spools of ribbon that I didn't think we would ever use. I guess I was wrong. My children opened the sack when I wasn't looking. You know how it is, the kids always have to make sure you aren't giving away anything good and it wouldn't matter if you were giving away dryer lint they would suddenly have an intense urge to keep it. So they found all this ribbon and decided to have a birthday party and decorate for it. Oh yes they did. Five large spools of ribbon. You couldn't walk without getting your feet tangled up. But that really was the most fun mess we cleaned up today. 

Although they wore me out today, I sure do love my kids.  I know they are antsy about our trip to Birmingham for Korban's infusion. It didn't go so well last month, and I'm nervous too. And they really can be sweet. Tonight they took a load of laundry (a quilt and a blanket) out of the dryer all by themselves and put the clothes from the washer in the dryer. Selah said it was so I wouldn't have to do everything myself. Ha!  

As for my phone, I felt pretty strongly that I had laid it down somewhere it Korban's room. But where?  I had moved every piece of furniture, even took the mattress out of his racecar bed and looked beneath it. I thought maybe I had dropped it while changing the sheets. 

Tonight at around 8:00 I tried standing in his room and looking for anything I might have missed. My eyes landed on a box I had pulled out of his closet to go through this morning. Sure enough, my phone had fallen down in it. 

I was very glad to have finally found it. I hate losing stuff. Today was tiring to say the least. Tonight I found myself rooting around in the pantry again, this time in hopes of chocolate. I figured if the pantry could cough up a small fortune of Velvetta I might find another prize. I didn't find any chocolate, but I did find two Fruit Roll Ups, one red and one blue. I couldn't decide which color I wanted so I just inhaled both of them. 

This is how Korban ended his day. I feel the same way. Good night to all y'all. ;)

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