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Sunday, June 12, 2011

Reasons Why I Hate Autism

 Because I am sitting in my van typing this when I should be in church. (After making a supreme effort to get ready, I would've liked to enjoy the service rather than have to take Korban out because he didn't last fifteen minutes. And more importantly, I need all of God that I can get right now.)

Because I can't have a conversation with my son and I would love to know what he is thinking.

Because everything is harder than it should be.

Because I am tired of wrestling.

Because I got the blood scratched out of my forehead before I even opened my eyes this morning.

Because I can't even sneeze without potentially causing a meltdown.

Because I can't afford it and I hate thinking that our son would be better if we had more money.

Because I miss being able to talk to my husband without setting off a round of ear-piercing screams.

Because of the ear-piercing screams period.

Because I am afraid Korban won't get better.

Because I am afraid it will steal Selah from me too.

Because I just realized this post sounds whiny and self-centered and I'd like to think I’m not that way.

Because if my mom read this she would feel the need to remind me that it could be worse and then I would feel guilty for writing all of that and I KNOW it could be worse and most of the time I think I do a pretty good job of being grateful for everything we are blessed with. But sheesh, a person needs to vent every now and then.

Okay, now I feel better....


  1. My heart and prayers are with you, Brad, Korban, and Selah. I can't say that I can even imagine where you guys are at right now. This breaks my heart for ya'll. Even though we don't understand, if you guys ever need a person to just pour out and vent on, I am here for ya'll and we will carry it to God's feet together in shared prayer.

  2. Thanks Jerome that means a lot dude and I believe you will and would!  The thing is it's so hard to follow through at times on the meaning of Korban's name!   We are at a great Place of worship and God is at work...He puts us where we need to be, just sometimes it's hard to stay for very long if at